The Matrix

Jupiter Descending

Jupiter Ascending is the newest film venture from The Wachowskis. You know the duo that has brought us classics such as The Matrix, and, its sequels, and Cloud Atlas, and Speed Racer. Uh, ok let’s just do this. Jupiter Ascending stars Channing Tatum, Mila Kunis, Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne, and Douglas Booth. Not only directed by the Wachowskis, but it is also written and produced by the two. It is described as a space opera, a cross between Star Wars (not at all) and The Matrix.

Jupiter Ascending tells the story of Jupiter Jones (Kunis) a maid who hates her repetitive life. Her family immigrated to America after her father died while her mother was still pregnant with her. She is born in the middle of the Atlantic and told she has great purpose, but fails to see this purpose. Little does she know she is the reincarnation of the Matriarch of the House of Abrasax, who are the powerful alien dynasty of all the universe. As the Heir to Abrasax dynasty’s fight over who will control Earth, a warrior named Caine Wise is sent to protect Jupiter and bring her to claim her rightful place as the leader of Earth.

This film is garbage. But before I tear into it, I am going to speak on the positives of the film. Jupiter Ascending was allegedly pushed back from the summer of 2014, to now February of 2015. We all know January/February are the bottom of the barrel for films. The rumor was this film was pushed to work on the visuals. While I don’t believe that to be the only reason, it also makes a little sense. The cinematography is beautiful. I saw this film in IMAX 3D which I rarely do, but if you are going to waste your money on this film, do so in IMAX. It is breathtaking and stunning. The CGI is seamless, the creatures are amazing.

Another plus was Channing Tatum and Sean Bean. Tatum continues to prove that he is a force to be reckoned with in Hollywood. He plays a character that could’ve been cheesy and over the top but does it with such grit and power. It makes me further more believe he is the right choice for Gambit. Sean Bean is as good as always. These two have great chemistry together. And had the film followed their story a little more it might not have been such a bad movie.

But that is where the positives end. The film is jumbled in direction it is terrible. It jumps all over the place, and the story runs as if you have read hundreds of back story’s all ready and just know this world. The world seems fun, but you never really shown what it is all about. Plus the film pretty much shows you the exact same act 3 times in a row. Literally, the same situation, replayed 3 times. Eddie Redmayne is just terrible. Bloody freaking awful. He uses this terrible accent and has no real character. It makes me hope he doesn’t win the Oscar. Mila Kunis is not bad, she’s kind of just there. I want to buy her as an action heroine, or even the damsel in distress, but she doesn’t fit the part. And I don’t know if that is the script, or the character, or her. I’d love to see her as the bad A chick, but I just couldn’t buy it. Maybe she needs to stick to Rom-Com.

All in all Jupiter Ascending is pretty much bad. It’s not the worse film I’ve seen, but it’s not good. It is kind of just another movie. You might see is on FXx a lot in the future, I don’t even think this will become one of those “So Bad it is good” type of films. I’m giving it a Jeebus Score of 2.3. Don’t waste your money folks. So what say you Jackass Nation? Have you seen Jupiter Ascending? Do you plan to? What is your favorite Channing Tatum film? Are you excited to see him play Gambit? Sound off in the comments below!

The Jeebus score is out of a possible 6 points. Films are giving a max of 1 point each for Acting, Entertainment, and Casting, and a max of .5 for Dialog, Cinematography, and Direction. There is also a possible bonus up to .5. Any film between 2.5 and 4 is considered a good film. 4-5 is a great film. Anything over 5 is an incredibly amazing film. To get a perfect score of 6 a film will pretty much have to be The Godfather.

John Wick, he’s thinking he’s back.

Let’s start with this, I am a Keanu Reeves fan. Very few of his films have I not liked. I understand the guy gets a lot of flak, and he can be very cheesy, but put in the right role and he is phenomenal. Replacements, Hardball, Bill & Ted, the 1st Matrix, Speed, Devil’s Advocate, freaking Point break! Good films, all in which Keanu is great in! Now that’s not to say he hasn’t turned in some stinkers. I understand. But what actor hasn’t? Keanu is talented. And John Wick, this one, this is the return to stardom.

John Wick, the newest endeavor starring Keanu Reeves. Directed by two stunt men, David Leitch and Chad Stahelski, and stars among Reeves, Michael Nvqvist, Alfie Allen, Adrianne Palicki, Bridget Moynahan, Dean Winters, Ian McShane, John Leguizamo, and William Dafoe. I can honestly tell you I knew nothing about this film until about a month ago. I was watching some trailers for upcoming films and random a new one popped up Called John Wick. Starring Keanu. Now I though what most thought after 47 Ronin, aw man, this is not going to be pretty. But then, after watching I was amazed. I thought to myself, this movie looks freaking awesome! Now if you haven’t watched the trailers, there are going to be spoilers. But as long as you have seen the trailers, you’ll be fine……. Ok that said, they killed his dog! Regardless of the fact that in Hollywood, you never kill the dog, this was a no-no! You knew right away him going to mess some people up! Question is, would the film live up to what should happen, due to the killing of a dog! Your answer, DAMN STRAIGHT IT DOES!

John Wick follows the story of an ex hit man (Reeves) as he is pulled back into the life after a mobster’s son (Allen) steals his car and kills his dog. Same basic story right? We’ve seen it a million times, hit man is forced back for one more job. Not so Generic this time. It ran the risk of coming back after the dog, something else happens that makes it more important, like always. Nope. You killed my dog, I’m going to f^(# you up! And that’s it, that’s your story, everyone in his way, he’s going to kill. The story is basic to a point, but it is the execution that makes it so incredible. It is such a fun film! It is filled with humor, and not like joke, joke, joke, it’s just this is a fun situation. I can’t help but laugh at the predicament these villains are in. Yes the villains are in trouble. It’s so generic when a films antagonist is full of themselves and not worried about the protagonist. This one, flips the script. The Bad guy knows he’s screwed because his son killed the dog of the most dangerous killer in history! It is epic!

The cast is perfect. Everyone knows there role and plays to it. This is the type of film that is made for Keanu! His acting is cheesy to a point, but it needed to be. There are a few emotional scenes that you sit there and say to yourself, yes, this is the guy that brought us the Matrix. This is the guy who can truly deliver us a great performance. The directors are spot on. As stunt men, they make the action that they have coined as Gun-Fu, very distinct and prevalent. Watching the film I wanted to call it a through back to 80’s action, done with 90’s style, updated for today’s audience. It is incredible!

John Wick has such potential for a franchise as well. And not so much for just continuing stories of John Wick himself, but for the world they have created! The film creates this near video game like under world of assassins, that have a hotel that they all can live at where the rules are strict, giving them a place a safe haven from the dangers of their world. There is soooo much potential in this idea. Whether John Wick is involved or not, a spin off idea is great!

Negatives, I honestly don’t have any. I loved every minute of this film. Not that it is an academy award worthy film, but it was the most fun I have had in the theater since Guardians of the Galaxy. It is just a damn fun time! I gave it a 5.8 overall, with a .4 bonus for such a fun time, giving it a final Jeebus score of 6.2, JEEBUS-TACULAR! I implore you to go see this film! Let’s not have another Edge of Tomorrow debacle! Because honestly, people keep asking if Keanu is back, and I’m thinking, Yea, he’s back. Take on Dr. Strange, Ted!