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Fant 4 Stick

Let’s preference this by saying I was excited for this film. Regardless of all the bad press, and stories from the set. Despite the press and their hatred for it, I was giving it the benefit of the doubt. Everything about it, screams amazing. Josh Trank the director of Chronicle. Written by Simon Kinberg, the writer of X-Men Days of Future Past. The amazing talents that are Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Michael B. Jordan, Jaime Bell, and Toby Kebbell. It screams awesome. Well. It wasn’t.

Fantastic Four tells the story, somewhat, of 5 kids whose lives are all change once they help crack the code of inter-dimensional travel. Well that’s about it for the plot. The film is not the pile of shit you are hearing about. For the most part. In this golden age of comic book movies, this one kind of takes todays Dark Knight Tone, and makes a movie with it from back in the late 90s/early 2000s. There is no character development whatsoever for any character in this movie. Plus the chemistry is all but nonexistent between these four. The story is jumbled, and the editing is all over the place.

Not to mention, nothing happens in this movie. Aside from one extra action scene, you have seen every single action scene in the film, in its trailers. So don’t expect a lot more. Plus don’t expect to see a lot of the cool scenes you saw in the trailers. They aren’t there. Like the scene of The Thing being dropped out of a plane into what looks like a warzone. Not in the movie. Now the film can almost be broken into 3 completely separate films. So I’m going to talk about the three acts separately.

Act 1 brings our heroes, and villain, together. They learn from each other and build this crazy machine that somehow Reed Richards (Teller) figured out how to do as a child, but the government could never do without him. It has a working montage and is your basic origin story, but it’s kind of interesting. It has its choppy weak dialog, and bad editing, but for the most part keeps you intrigued on where it will be going. Immediately you pick up Why Victor Von Doom is the bad guy. Because he is a dick. So that equals bad guy. Lazy writing. Plus that whole “you created me I created you” story of let’s make all the heroes and bad guys have a background together. I’m starting to hate that.

Act two kind of becomes the horror/sci-fi epic you want. For a split second. Then have a lot of plot holes that make no sense. You time jump, you wondering what the hell happened to certain characters, and then they are all brought back together and don’t like each other. Same old crap you’ve seen before. The idea behind this story is very fun, and you want to watch it, but the execution is not its best. It’s very basic. After some pretty cool sequences we are violently thrust into the third act. This is where it really gets bad.

Act three is simple formulaic let’s have a big showdown. Care about people, we are a team now. Movies over. That’s it. Nothing happens. You aren’t invested in it, it’s a big cgi green screen scene that makes no sense, with Dr. Doom showing back up, and having a motive that also makes no damn sense. It’s a complete and utter mess at this point. What started as an ok attempt, and took you on a roller coaster of good and bad story telling flies off the rails and kills you.

If you take out the Fantastic Four, and make this some random sci-fi film, it’s pretty decent. You can really enjoy it. But because we have been given the level of superhero films that we have, this one falls incredibly short. It is not the worst one you have ever seen, but it is closer to the bottom then it is the top. And not only does Thing not have pants, he has a butt crack. That makes no sense. At all. It’s really weird! Anyway, I’m giving it a Jeebus Score of 2.5. Not the best way to end the summer, go see Rogue Nation guys.

Alright Jackass Nation. What say you, have you seen Fantastic Four, will you see it? Let me know what you think of it, sound off in the comments below, and as always, keep on nerding!

The Jeebus Score explained

The Jeebus score is out of a possible 6 points. Films are giving a max of 1 point each for Acting, Entertainment, and Casting, and a max of .5 for Dialog, Cinematography, and Direction. There is also a possible bonus up to .5. Any film between 2.5 and 4 is considered a good film. 4-5 is a great film. Anything over 5 is an incredibly amazing film. To get a perfect score of 6 a film will pretty much have to be The Empire Strikes Back or The Godfather.

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