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San Andreas

It is time for everybody’s favorite action star to take on one of his biggest threats. You’ve seen him layeth the smacketh down on everyone from Stone Cold Steve Austin to John Cena. You saw him take on The Mummy as The Scorpion King. He wrangled up teeth as The Tooth Fairy, and got retaliation as a G.I. Joe. He was fast, he was furious. But now. Now he must take on an Earthquake. It’s The Rock vs Mother Nature, and a falls count anywhere match for box office. It is, San Andreas!

Great opening right? I know I loved it. So, San Andres is coming at us like a hurricane. You’ve seen it everywhere. Billboards, every other commercial, all over The Rock’s social media. The film is directed by Brad Peyton and stars The Rock, Alexandra Daddario, Carla Gugino, Ioan Gruffudd, Paul Giamatti, Art Parkinson, Hugo Johnstone-Burt, Will Yun Lee, Kylie Minogue, Arsenal err I mean Colton Haynes, and Todd Williams. The story follows a rescue-chopper pilot on his journey to save his daughter after a massive earthquake hits and threatens to knock California off the face of the planet, and destroy life as we know it. Sounds like your generic disaster film right? Wrong. Your generic disaster film does not have The People’s Champ.

San Andreas is a lot of fun. It definitely the disaster movie of all disaster movies. Think The Day After Tomorrow meets 2012 on crack, with The Rock. The movie runs almost like a freaking video game. When you follow The Rock on his journey, it’s like he has to go through levels. Fly a chopper, drive a truck, fly a plane, and drive a boat. It just gets more and crazier as the film goes. The story is it important? No. this is a cliché disaster film. It has its cheesy one liners, its crazy unsurvivable action, and its cliché coincidences. If this was made with any old action star, you wouldn’t care, but it’s the Rock. You get into it because you love to see him defy the odds.

Paul Giamatti is your typical disaster movie scientist that finds a way to track earthquakes moments before the super quake happens. Carla Gugino is sexy as always and amazing in the role. And the icing on the cake is Alexandra Daddario. This girl is so gorgeous and so stunning that when she is on screen you are immediately drawn to the character. Makes you want to leave the theater, go home, and watch her on True Detective. You know what I’m talking about.

This is not an Oscar winner folks. This film isn’t even remotely realistic. But honestly if that’s why you are going to San Andreas then you are a moron. It’s just fun to sit down and watch. It has its problems though. Like with most of the disaster film genre it tries to add too much character development. It tries to give you these heartfelt feel bad for me back stories, and in the end you just don’t care. You are there to see buildings fall. Let them fall. The script had a major flaw that did really bother me though. There is this one character that keeps escaping danger and he kind of the pseudo heel of the story. You are waiting for him to get it, and you just want The Rock to beat the snot out of him. Sadly, when he does bite it, it’s very anti climatic. And you are left thinking “well that was a pointless storyline.”

In the end, San Andreas is a fun action flick that if want to get away for a few hours, shove popcorn in your face, and turn off your brain, this is the place to go. It’s fun, exciting, action pact, and filled with really hot chicks. In the water. Yes folks, Alexandra Daddario swimming around in skimpy tight clothes. That’s your .5 bonus. Giving San Andreas a Jeebus score of 4.5.

The Jeebus Score explained

The Jeebus score is out of a possible 6 points. Films are giving a max of 1 point each for Acting, Entertainment, and Casting, and a max of .5 for Dialog, Cinematography, and Direction. There is also a possible bonus up to .5. Any film between 2.5 and 4 is considered a good film. 4-5 is a great film. Anything over 5 is an incredibly amazing film. To get a perfect score of 6 a film will pretty much have to be The Empire Strikes Back or The Godfather.


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