I AM HERCULES!

HERCULES! Starring Kellen Lutz, wait, scratch that, wrong film. Hercules! Starring The Rock! That’s better. Hercules tells the story of the Son of Zeus, as told in the graphic novel Hercules: The Thracian Wars. The film is the second film based on Hercules this year, and all though I haven’t seen The Legend of Hercules, I had high hopes that this film would be better than I was told Legend was. Hercules is Directed by everybody’s favorite X-Men ruining director Brett Ratner, now hold on, he did the Rush Hour films, those were good. Ratner directs The Rock along with Ian McShane, Rufus Sewell, Joseph Fiennes, Peter Mullan, and John Hurt. So the questions remains, does The Rock’s bring Hercules to life? Or is Ratner’s film a Greek tragedy? Well……

It’s a Brett Ratner film……

That sums up the most of it. That sums up the most of it. The Film follows Hercules (Rock), the alleged son of Zeus, and his band of mercenaries. Hercules has a troubled past, yet is good at heart. His services are hired to over throw a tyrant who is taking the land one city at a time. As Hercules and his crew fight a war that is not theirs, they slowly realize they may not be in a war that believed they were.

The story in my mind is rather weak. I wanted a true Hercules story. I wanted the son of Zeus. This version of Hercules is more of a maybe he is, maybe he isn’t story. Are the legends true? Is he a mere mortal? We’ll just leave that up to you. Thanks Ratner.

Hercules starts out, I will say terribly. The opening scene is literally a remake of the opening scene of The Scorpion King. I was immediately worried about what I was watching. However, as the film progresses, despite its flaws, it actually becomes fun. It just takes a minute to get there. Eventually though, it’s a fun popcorn film. I found myself sitting back and no longer worrying about the terrible dialog or horrible direction, and I just began to enjoy the craziness.

Like I said the dialog is horrendous. I mean I didn’t expect the 300 dialect, but at least try a little. This is ancient Greece, there shouldn’t be todays slang. As well you a very aware you are watching a cheesy Ratner film. Puns, crappy jokes, terrible story. There’s also the very cliché “Haha I’m the bad guy out of nowhere, and I’m bad because I’m bad” villain moment that takes you out of the film. Luckily Rock is able to pull you back.

The casting is pretty decent. Rock is The Rock. John Hurt is great as City’s, King of Thrace. Rufus Sewell plays Hercules wise all-knowing companion, and is probably one the most entertaining characters in the film. There is also discount Lady Sif, played by discount Jaimie Alexander. Well I guess discount Xena played by discount Lucy Lawless is more appropriate. Either way Ingrid Bolso Berdal was in the film. I don’t really know who she is either, don’t worry.

In the end, Hercules is definitely more fun Transformers Age of Extinction was. Goes to show you can have a mindless movie that makes no sense but is at least still fun. I’m Giving Hercules a Jeebus Score of 3.1. Check out the Matinee.

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